I usually don’t like to explain or prove myself to people, but recently, several people have approached me – usually concerned family members/boyfriend – asking me about “how I’m doing” or if “everything is alright.” Obviously, I completely appreciate the concern because a) it proves people are actually reading my blog and b) it proves people actually care about me. Much love, much love. However, I just want to clear up some obvious confusion.
I am not, nor have I ever been seriously depressed. Sure things get to me from time to time; I sometimes get severely bummed, at most. This is just how I write. These posts about losing friends, feeling lonely, etc. are not some kind of desperate cry for help. It’s just me, being me. I’ve always written about my life, or how I feel, whether in a LiveJournal or a live journal. It’s what I’m used to. This is just me writing out how I feel because sometimes, it’s easier that way. My computer screen can’t talk back, or tell me I shouldn’t feel Emotion X; it doesn’t judge me or tell me when I’m being too sensitive or when I should just let things go. While I try to remain open-minded about advice like that, sometimes, I just don’t want to hear it. So I write. And maybe sometimes my love of words takes over and I find myself sounding a wee bit more dramatic than intended. Okay, there’s that too. Not that I’m lying or exaggerating. I just don’t want people thinking that all I do is toil over my angst. That’s what 90’s teen dramas are for. (And God, I love them.)
So for all of those wondering: I AM FINE. I totally and 105% appreciate the concern, really I do, but I’m just writing. Seriously. Keep reading, and please, keep being interested, but also keep all this in mind. Because if I can’t write about everything – including the bad times or the shades of gray – what is the point of keeping this blog?